IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
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I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
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His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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