Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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