i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
