Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
