At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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