I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
