You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
