dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
