But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
