Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
