We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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