i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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