Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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