for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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