she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
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We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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