and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
