so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
