mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
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i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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