I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
