Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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