I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
