is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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