C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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