You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
