we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
