I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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