cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
That reminds me...we need to get swords
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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