im holly from the hills drunk
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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