good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
