my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just found puke in my bra..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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