she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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