i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
