Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
