had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
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That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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