its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
