It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
