One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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