oh god the rape fog is back!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
