I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
