ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
