Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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