a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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