We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just invented taco cereal.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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