Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
