that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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