So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
