He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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