Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
operation harelip BJ is a go
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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