I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
