just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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