i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
