So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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