she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
