You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
