Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
