I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
