Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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