We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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