saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
