do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
