It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
