I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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