Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
