Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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