I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
