My nipple is on Facebook.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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