I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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