I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you traded sex for a burrito?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
