Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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