I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
