We named our party play list daddy issues
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
