just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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