Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
