His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
