So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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